Battle of the Sexes

[TheJoker]

Mrs. Smith was on a game show and had to answer questions about the Bible.

Host, “Mrs. Smith, for $100 can you tell me who was the first man on the Earth?”

Mrs. Smith smiles and said, “The answer is Adam.”

Host, “Correct. Now Mrs. Smith for $250 tell me who was the first woman on the Earth?”

Mrs. Smith proudly answers, “That was Eve!”

Host, “Correct again. Now Mrs. Smith for the Jackpot bonus question, tell me Eve’s first words to Adam.”

Mrs. Smith is thinking. She appears totally stumped. Thirty seconds goes by and finally she throws her arms in the air and says, “Gee that’s a hard one isn’t it.”

The Host says, “THAT’S RIGHT! Give this lady the jackpot!”

 

[TheJoker]

 

[TheJoker]

A Marine and sailor were sitting in a bar, arguing over which was the superior service.

After a swig of beer, the Marine says "Well, we had Iwo Jima."

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, "We had the Battle of Midway."

"Not entirely true," replies the Marine. "Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal is named for a Marine pilot killed at Midway."

The sailor agrees. "Point taken."

The Marine then says, "We Marines were born at Tun Tavern."

The sailor, nodding in agreement, says, "But we had John Paul Jones."

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality, he says..."The Navy invented sex!"

The Marine replies, "That's true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women."

 

[TheJoker]

A Perfect Man:
Wakes up at 5 am every day.
Exercise every day.
Makes his own bed.
Cleans his room.
Does not indulge in nightlife.
Works sincerely.
Does not touch alcohol.
Helps in the kitchen.
Is always punctual.
Prays daily.
Reads.
Hits the bed at 9pm sharp.

Where do you find such perfect man?

Answer: JAIL

 

[TheJoker]

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

"And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."