Battle of the Sexes
TheJoker
Active member
A woman 
ran a red traffic light 
and crashed into a man’s car. Both vehicles were completely destroyed in the accident, but both the woman and the man miraculously escaped unhurt.
After crawling out of their crumpled cars, the woman couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the wrecked vehicles. “Oh my goodness, look at our cars! They are completely demolished,” she exclaimed in shock. “But fortunately, we are both okay. I believe this is a sign from God
that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man, who was equally relieved to have survived the accident, nodded in agreement. “Yes, I think you’re right. It must be a sign from God that we should become friends,” he said.
As they surveyed the wreckage, the woman noticed something that made her heart skip a beat. “Look at this!” she exclaimed, holding up a bottle of 75-year-old scotch that miraculously survived the crash without a scratch. “This must be another sign from God that we are meant to celebrate our good fortune and drink this vintage delicacy together.”
The man couldn’t agree more and eagerly took the bottle from the woman. He opened it, took a long swig, and then passed it back to her. But to his surprise, the woman immediately closed the bottle and handed it back to him.
“Aren’t you going to have any?” he asked, puzzled.
The woman just smiled and replied, “No, I think I’ll just wait for the police
.”
ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car. Both vehicles were completely destroyed in the accident, but both the woman and the man miraculously escaped unhurt.After crawling out of their crumpled cars, the woman couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the wrecked vehicles. “Oh my goodness, look at our cars! They are completely demolished,” she exclaimed in shock. “But fortunately, we are both okay. I believe this is a sign from God
that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”The man, who was equally relieved to have survived the accident, nodded in agreement. “Yes, I think you’re right. It must be a sign from God
that we should become friends,” he said.As they surveyed the wreckage, the woman noticed something that made her heart skip a beat. “Look at this!” she exclaimed, holding up a bottle of 75-year-old scotch that miraculously survived the crash without a scratch. “This must be another sign from God
that we are meant to celebrate our good fortune and drink this vintage delicacy together.”The man couldn’t agree more and eagerly took the bottle from the woman. He opened it, took a long swig, and then passed it back to her. But to his surprise, the woman immediately closed the bottle and handed it back to him.
“Aren’t you going to have any?” he asked, puzzled.
The woman just smiled and replied, “No, I think I’ll just wait for the police
.”
TheJoker
Active member
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
TheJoker
Active member
A lad had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for vou to meet!"
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood n*de, except for a pair of black p@nties, he in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black p@nties?" She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.
The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black p@nties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black c*nd*m. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black c*nd*m?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for vou to meet!"
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood n*de, except for a pair of black p@nties, he in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black p@nties?" She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.
The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black p@nties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black c*nd*m. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black c*nd*m?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
TheJoker
Active member
A man meets a beautiful, really sexy girl.
He really wants her. So he invites her to a movie, and she tells him,
"Listen, if it's sex you're after, then there is no need to get me dinners, movie evenings, and all that. Just buy me a good Swiss Army knife."
The guy thinks, "It's true, he's not interested in something long-term, so he buys her a good genuine Victorinox."
They come to her home. She opens a big chest standing in a closet and puts his knife there.
The guy sees that the chest is half-filled with such knives already. Then she takes him to her bedroom for a wonderful night together.
The next morning, they're sitting in her kitchen, drinking tea, and he asks her,
"Can I ask you a question? Why would you need so many knives?"
"You see," she explains. "I'm young now. I'm beautiful. I have no trouble finding guys; in fact, they're the ones chasing me.
But I know it doesn't last forever. One day, I'll be older, gray-haired, I'll be the one looking everywhere for a piece of love, and then... do you have any idea what a boy of eighteen would be willing to do for a good Swiss Army knife?"
He really wants her. So he invites her to a movie, and she tells him,
"Listen, if it's sex you're after, then there is no need to get me dinners, movie evenings, and all that. Just buy me a good Swiss Army knife."
The guy thinks, "It's true, he's not interested in something long-term, so he buys her a good genuine Victorinox."
They come to her home. She opens a big chest standing in a closet and puts his knife there.
The guy sees that the chest is half-filled with such knives already. Then she takes him to her bedroom for a wonderful night together.
The next morning, they're sitting in her kitchen, drinking tea, and he asks her,
"Can I ask you a question? Why would you need so many knives?"
"You see," she explains. "I'm young now. I'm beautiful. I have no trouble finding guys; in fact, they're the ones chasing me.
But I know it doesn't last forever. One day, I'll be older, gray-haired, I'll be the one looking everywhere for a piece of love, and then... do you have any idea what a boy of eighteen would be willing to do for a good Swiss Army knife?"
TheJoker
Active member
How to Please a Woman
Follow this advice if you wish to impress your girlfriend.
Compliment her; respect her; honour her; cuddle her; caress her; love her; kiss her; stroke her; buy things for her; tease her; comfort her; protect her; hug her; hold her; spend money on her; wine and dine her; listen to her; care for her; stand by her; support her; hold her.
How to Please a Man
Follow this advice if you wish to impress your boyfriend.
Show up naked; bring beer.
Follow this advice if you wish to impress your girlfriend.
Compliment her; respect her; honour her; cuddle her; caress her; love her; kiss her; stroke her; buy things for her; tease her; comfort her; protect her; hug her; hold her; spend money on her; wine and dine her; listen to her; care for her; stand by her; support her; hold her.
How to Please a Man
Follow this advice if you wish to impress your boyfriend.
Show up naked; bring beer.
