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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The...

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost gave a ticklish sensation as his fingers began at her neck and moved down past the small of her back. He gently stroked...

Dear Tech Support, "Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable...

The lone gorilla at an Alabama zoo looks sad all the time. The vet tells the staff that she’s lonely and depressed so they need to provide a male to mate with her. They try all the zoos in the Southeast but there are no male gorillas available. They are about to give up when one of them has an...

A woman went to her doctor and told him she kept on farting, but her farts were always silent and they didn't smell. The doctor asked for a demonstration and she obliged. He then wrote her a prescription and told her to come back in a week. A week later she was back and told the doctor that her...

The old dude hated going to the doctor with a passion but the pain in his elbow had become so bad that he relented and booked an appointment. He arrived at the doctor’s office only to learn that he would have to produce a urine sample before the doctor would examine him. He was pretty frustrated...

A man goes into a confessional and is just beginning to make his confession when suddenly the priest gets an overhead page. “My son,” he says to the penitent, “can you do me a favor, and just sit back here in the confessional and take my place until I get back?” The man replies, “But Father, I...

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, ‘Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week.’ The priest tells the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.’ Soon, another man enters the confessional. ‘Father...

Little Messi walks into the local grocery store and picks out a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked Little Messi if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Nope, no laundry," said Little Messi, "I'm going to wash my dog!" "But you shouldn't use this...

Two policemen were delighted to find they were going to be part of the security team for a VIP visiting an African country, as they hadn't travelled much. When they were leaving, their wives both said they had always wanted a pair of crocodile shoes, but they were too expensive to buy. Could...

Harry has a 'malfunction problem' and makes an appointment to see a consultant urologist in Beth Israel. When Harry arrives, he notices that the waiting room is already filled with patients. As he walks over to the receptionist to check in, he can't help noticing that she is a very large and...

One bright and cheery Saturday morning a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it. The stranger says, "Hello. I'm a Jehovah's Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories." After a quick thought the homeowner says, "Well, come on in," He takes the...

Mrs. Van Arsdale, an elderly aristocratic snob was walking through Tiffany's when she stopped in front of the diamond solitaire display admiring the goods. All of a sudden; she loses control and lets out a rather long and loud fart. Embarrassed; she quickly looks left and right to see if any...

AT MY AGE, ROLLING OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING IS THE EASY PART. GETTING OFF THE FLOOR IS A WHOLE OTHER STORY.

The American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. "Get this..." he chuckled, "That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he's made love to every woman in the building except one." "Hmmmmmmmmm," said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, "must be that...

Gary: "Your new secretary is very sex.... Larry: "Thanks! She's actually a robot named Doreen.... If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she types letters. Will work as long as you like, no complaining, no sick days, no medical, no dental...

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my two wheeler and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay" "I'm okay I think," | replied as I pulled...

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Pajeet" Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in...

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another. The Scotsman picks out the fly...

When I complained to Amazon about a missing parcel they asked me to send photographic evidence.